Maybe a word of explanation here is in order. Before you all start to think that I’m jumping off the crazy bridge, worrying about things I can’t possibly reach right now.
I believe, very strongly, in the idea that our decisions, large and small, deeply impact the people we become, the places we go, and the opportunities that become available to us.
When you’re a senior in high school, and even late in your junior year, all anyone can talk to you about is college applications. It’s like a law. No other topics are permitted, at least until that one is fully exhausted. So you become really good at spouting off the automatic information of where you’ve applied to, what you hope to major in, and what you intend your future career plans to be someday (even though the majority of us had literally no clue what would come after twenty-two, we all came up with a satisfactory speech to appease the masses who would question us).
I only applied to one college: The University of Georgia. Oh yes, from a practical standpoint I told myself (and my parents) that I would send off other applications if I didn’t get early acceptance, but the real truth was, I KNEW I was supposed to be there. I knew in my heart that was the right place for me; there was nowhere else that I ever considered.
And I was absolutely right, in more ways than I could even fathom at that moment in time, sitting at the window seat in my sponge-painted-indigo bedroom as an eighteen year old whose beliefs in destiny had never been challenged.
If I hadn’t gone to Georgia, I might never have met my husband. I believe we were designed for each other, but what if we had simply never found each other? Even after being with him for ten years, I can’t come up with any concrete way that our paths would have crossed if we hadn’t both gone to school there. Not to mention the fact that every single person I’m good friends with, I either met at Georgia or met through someone who I met at Georgia.
Even leaving out the degree I earned and the things I learned about myself, you can begin to see how drastically different my life would be today if I had taken a different path.
And that’s what I’m so scared of now. I feel very strongly that the decisions I make over these next few weeks have the power to fundamentally affect what happens to me in the future and what choices and opportunities may be laid before me. But this time, I don’t have that strong gut feeling directing me on the right path. There’s nothing in my head and my heart that tells me YOU KNOW WHERE YOU SHOULD BE.
I know what I want, and I know what’s practical. But I don’t know where I should be.
So here I am, craving direction. And all I can do is share my thoughts and feelings with you in case I’m not the only one.
Because the one idea that has been resonating very strongly in my mind lately is this: None of us are supposed to do this alone.