So often, I have such a hard time making decisions. Not even just big, life-altering decisions. But small, everyday ones. Like what kind of coffee to order? What I’d like for lunch? Or which shade of lipstick would look better on me?
I recognized this recently when my husband and I were in the grocery store. We’d done all our shopping for food and had headed over to pick up some toiletries before leaving. I told him I was off to find moisturizer. But I’m a little bit ADD and on my way to moisturizer, I passed by the makeup section and suddenly remembered that I’ve been wanting a new tube of red lipstick. Not too bright, not too dark, but something that will look good with my skin in these paler winter months.
Five minutes later, Chris comes around the corner to find me intently studying two choices in my hand, and he casually asks “Do you get a prize if you pick the right one?” I got frustrated, put them both back and huffed off towards checkout. I hate the idea of spending $9 on a tube of lipstick that I get home, find it isn’t the right color and then can’t return it and I’ve wasted that money.
I should note here that while we certainly aren’t the richest kids on the block, my husband and I both work and we make a pretty comfortable amount of money for a young, married couple with no children. We contribute to 401(k)’s and have an emergency fund, so it’s not really like a wasted $9 is going to rock our boat. The budget will go on without it.
The truth is, I’m terrified of making the wrong choice. I’m like this all the time. I constantly wonder, If I make this decision, am I going to regret it later. And not about major things, but about lipstick.
This decision paralysis holds me back so much of the time until I end up just not doing anything, as I did in this case. I simply walk away, preventing myself from obtaining either satisfactory outcome.
Of course this roots in fear; and if you’ve been following this blog, you’ve already noticed that’s something I struggle on a daily basis. I don’t feel like I can just let go and be myself, make a choice and live with it.
I always feel like I’m going to have to live with a bad choice forever. And when I think about the only choice that I’ve ever made which is designed to last forever (my commitment in marriage to my husband) it was the easiest decision I’ve ever made and one I’ve never had a doubt about to this day.
So going forward, in everything else I’m going to try to recognize that while decisions we make every day may shape things going forward, no decision is permanent. If I make a choice, then decide I don’t like the outcome, I can always change my mind and make a new choice to alter my circumstances. But not moving forward keeps me stuck, like a statue that’s made it to the center of the square but will never reach the other side. I don’t want to live like that: I DON’T want “Wine with Everything” or “Cherry Fizz” to be a debilitating choice.
I want to give myself the freedom to decide, even if it means making a mistake.
Are you ever afraid to make decisions?