Reflect… and then Move Forward

So, for me, technically, NaNoWriMo was not much of a success. I did not meet my goal; I did not even come close to my goal. My final word count for the month was 13,320.

For a few days, I was a little bummed out by that. I wanted to do something incredible this month, and it just got away from me. I wasn’t as diligent as I should have been. I lost focus over the holidays. And then never really got back on track because I started working on Christmas presents.

But I have realized, and keep reminding myself (whether myself wants to hear it or not) that I WROTE! I wrote more words in a single month than I ever have before! Actually, I’ve never tracked my progress before, but I feel pretty confident in making this statement. Not only that, but my book, which was previously just a mess of jumbled ideas that were all supposed to fit together at some point, now has 70+ consecutive pages lined up.

That’s progress. This book is starting to look like a real thing, and that’s very exciting. But I am blowing off that excitement and getting upset over a missed word count goal. Is this the problem with big goals? Or is this the fear, trying to sneakily creep back in and keep me from accomplishing the things that matter most to me?

Well, down with you, fear.

I did something awesome last month. And I’m not done. Now that I’ve had my few days for pity party and re-group, I am going to kick this negative way of thinking in the tail and set a new goal for December. Because as long as I keep pushing forward, every month keep making a little more progress, eventually I’ll have that thing I’ve dreamed of my whole life.

A finished manuscript.

I can’t guarantee whether it will ever be published or not, and I can’t let fear speak to me about publishing because that’s not the point. If I accomplish this, it will be a major achievement for me, even if nobody ever reads it. It will be whole, and it will be mine, and that has to happen first.

So, I’m off to plan what goals this month will hold in store for me.

(As a sidenote, I wrote this last week and forgot to post it, but subsequently did set up a word count goal of 800 per day.)

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